I hate goodbyes

Today, one my my closest and dearest friend moved to Germany. I have not known her for as long as I have known some of my other BFFs but she has definitely become one my besties over the years. She has constantly been there for me in the past couple of years when my life kinda mimicked a roller coaster ride. She always had faith in me even when I had none in myself. And she is always always rooting for my happiness. Most importantly she never judges my actions - even when I do the stupidest things. She really made it easier for me to pick up the pieces whenever my relationships fall apart.

I cried buckets when I was sending her off. She cried. I cried. Sigh. What a mess. I cried while driving home. I cried after I got home. I really am gonna miss having her around. All the crazy things that we got up to. Our drunken boozy nights out. Our long drawn out lunch and gossip sessions (yes we are guilty of gossiping at times).

Why is it that as we get older, goodbyes become harder to say? I remember when I was much younger, goodbyes were so much easier for me to say. Even when I was leaving to further my studies in the UK, I never felt sad to leave behind my family and friends and conversely when I was leaving UK to come back home I never felt sad to to leave behind all my new found friends. Goodbyes never used to fazed me.

But as I grew older, goodbyes became harder to say. I started to know what it is like to miss your family. Your friends. Your significant other. Goodbyes now meant a red nose and puffy eyes. I guess I grew more human as a I grew older? Maybe my feelings matured over the years.

Yesterday, I sent someone else off at the airport as well. I wished him goodbye and he replied "No, not goodbye. See you later." 

Eat, Drink and Be Merry!

Am sitting here at the restaurant waiting for my sister to meet me for dinner. Oh, by the way am in KL (for those of you reading this who are not Malaysians, KL is Kuala Lumpur..:)). Got in early this morning for 2 days of training. Will be staying on till Sunday. Gonna have a food fest while I am here!

Anyways, even as I got into the hotel room today, I felt so overwhelmed all of a sudden. Don't even know why. Feels like I can't have any moment of inactivity. Like I have to always keep myself occupied or else my mind will take over. I just want to be back in my comfort zone, back in my room. I guess this is what healing feels like. But at least now I can see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. I know I will be ok given time.

Meanwhile, I am just trying to keep myself as busy as possible. Went for dinner with my girlies yesterday to celebrate the birthday of one of my besties. We had a great time stuffing our faces, eating and drinking. You know what they say - Eat, Drink and Be Merry!!!! At times like this it truly does feel like everything will be just fine.

Friends for Life

Anyways, its time I tuck myself into my snug hotel bed and fall asleep in front of my laptop while watching some telly. 

Revolving door of friends

Was going through my collection of photos today. Sure does bring back hell of a lot of memories! Looking back at the photos I realised the our life is a revolving door of friends and acquaintances. People come and go in your life. Some stay longer than others. Some are there but for a fleeting moment.

I have been truly blessed to have some of the most amazing friends. Some I have known since I was like 9 years old! Others I have met over the years and many of them have stayed on in my life. Sometimes I can't help but wonder why did life send them my way? Why do some people come into your life only to walk out of it? Some of them are people that I used to date and we have remained friends till today and I still count some of them amongst my close circle of friends.

It's funny, even as I was writing this blogpost, this article popped up on my Facebook feed :-

If You Have To Force It, Leave It Alone : Not Everyone You Lose Is A Loss

Here are some excerpts from the article which I found helpful :

"Loss can be one of the most painful feelings to endure but over time, the pain lessens and our eyes are opened to the fact that we don’t actually need that person anymore.

It might not seem like it at the time, but good things end so great things can happen.

We, as individuals, have the mental capacity to judge who has a positive impact on our lives, meaning someone can only be defined as a loss if we choose to define them as one.

Regardless of the circumstances, everything happens for a reason. Even though it might not seem like it at the time, there’s an explanation as to why that person isn’t in our lives anymore."

"While it’s hard to accept that not everyone who enters our life is meant to stay, we as human beings are built to encounter new people. We’re designed to explore, discover and grow, and not be held back by people who don’t have the same capacity as us."

"Life is too short to be anything but happy, so we need to learn to surround ourselves with people who matter. We either grow with, or grow apart from people, and if it doesn’t feel right, it might be best to let it go.

People will become strangers and distant memories, but we don’t ever have to feel guilty about removing toxic people from our lives.

Nobody has the right to infect us with negativity and doubt. There will come a point in life when we’ll get tired of having to prove ourselves and we’ll get bored of trying to fix things.

It’s not giving up; it’s realizing we deserve more. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with putting ourselves first for once, and the sooner we do that, the better.

Because, after all, our broken moments don’t define us. It’s how we deal with them that does."

I couldn't agree more with the last sentence. It is true. Our broken moments do not define us. I have been broken so many times before. But ultimately what will define me is whether I will stay broken or whether I will mend the pieces. I chose to piece together the broken pieces. And as I do so, I will continue to meet more people in my journey through life. As before, some friendships will last, others will fade. People will come and people will go.

My crazy circle of friends