Heading to New York, New York!

My updates are looooooonnnnggg overdue. But things at work have been crazy busy. Anyways, here is an update of what has been going on in my life.....

New York, New York - a city so nice they named it twice! I am finally going to New York!!! Have gotten my US Visa. Plane ticket booked. Hotels sorted. I am super super excited that this long awaited trip is finally happening.

I will be travelling solo for the first time and I am extremely looking forward to the adventure that awaits! A trip where I get to be totally selfish. I can do what I want, whenever I want without having to worry if everyone else is ok with it. Totaly unadulterated freedom!

Apart from that nothing else much has been happening. Definitely nothing new on the relationship front. Had not had a date in ages and no one has really struck my fancy.

On the job front, I have quit my job. It has become hopeless working here. The lack of support and understanding from the Management has made it incredibly hard for the project to be a success. So I am now currently serving out my 3 months notice period. My last day is on 8th November 2016, right before my trip to NYC. I can now go on my break without having to worry about work.

Fingers crossed, there is a particular job that I am eyeing. Really hoping that I get it. Don't wanna say much yet as I don't want to jinx it. But wish me luck!!!

2016 - Here I Come!!!!

Another year has come to an end and a new year has begun. How fast time flies. 2015 felt like it has gone by in the blink of an eye.

2015 started off as a year of many "wants". I wanted a lot of things to get better for me and I really can't complain about how the year turned out. So that left me wondering about what to anticipate for 2016. I have been asking myself, what do I want to achieve in 2016? Which aspect of my life do I want to see an improvement or change in? I could only think of one - my relationship status! Don't get me wrong, I would still rather stay single than settle for someone who is not right for me but I have always been more of a relationship person than a casual dating kinda girl. So I ponder my fate and try to figure out my chances of that happening. At this age it is getting harder and harder to meet people around my age group who are neither married nor attached. Also, having dated plenty of Asian men here, I am beginning to draw the conclusion that I don't click as well with them as opposed to Asian men who were born and raised in a western country. I know this may sound absurd to some, but it is true. Asian men here tend to be more chauvinistic and would still much rather prefer their women to be on the submissive end. Oh well, let's see what 2016 has in store for me on the relationship front.

What are my resolutions for the year? Or rather what do I hope to accomplish this year? Here is my WIP list :-

• Visit USA (specifically New York! New  York!)
• Spend less, save more
• Be Happy!
• Don't sweat the small stuff

Let's see how I fare as the year progresses.....

Side note : I actually started this blogpost in the first week of January 2016 but was so busy with work that I didn't have time to complete my thoughts and finish it....and before you know it February has crept up on me! See what I mean? Time really does fly!

Officially 36

So I officially turned 36 on Sunday, 15 November 2015. It was a weekend filled with celebrations which more or less kicked off on Thursday. I am truly blessed to have had so many people who celebrated this occasion with me..:)

So now that the celebrations are over and things have settled down, I guess it's time to reflect for a bit. The saying goes "One year older, one year wiser". Hmmm...if I wonder if that rings true for me. In some ways I guess it does. I have gotten wiser about life but there is still so much more for me to learn.

Apart from starting a new job, it has been a relatively uneventful year for me, but it has definitely been a more positive year. I am in a good place in my life and am looking forward to what the coming year will bring.

I may not have achieved all my goals or be where I thought I would be but, such is life right? We just have to go with the flow and learn not to let things get you down. So here is me looking forward to another great year. Great things may not happen but how the year turns out is all up to me, right?

Live, Laugh, Love

How time flies. Just realised that it has been awhile since I last updated my blog. Work has been so busy lately. Between that and juggling my fashion blog, I barely have time to update this one.

November is upon us. In 10 days' I will turn 36 (shudder), but age is just a number, right? Truth be told I am in a better place this year than I was a year ago. I think I was kinda lost last year after what was a not so great year. But I have grown so much over the past year and my old self is back - better than ever. I have my faith back and hope grows eternal...:) I guess the saying is true - one year older, one year wiser.

To  mark this milestone and to serve as a reminder to myself to never get lost, I got myself my third ink.

We have Graduated!

Phew! We have graduated from our CrossFit starter course! One gruelling month of classes held twice a week, but it was fun. There were plenty of aches and sores and complains from us each day after class but we still kept going back for more and we will continue to go back for more! We are signing up for the 3 months membership - call us suckers for pain but, oh well!

It's My Life!

The last time Bon Jovi held a concert in Malaysia was 20 years ago! After making me wait THAT long for another concert they finally performed in Stadium Merdeka on 19th September 2015.

At 53 years old, Mr. Jon Bon Jovi is still looking pretty damn good! The band did a great job of engaging the crowd. Those at the VVIP and VIP section were definitely rocking away to their songs. Unfortunately the area where I was at, the crowd mostly sat throughout the whole concert only chiming in to sing to the more familiar tunes of Living on a Prayer and It's My Life. I, of course, was having none of that! I stood by the railings at the stand and was singing to every single song of theirs!

He did require more effort to hit the higher notes in some of his songs though, and songs like Always and I'll Be There For You was completely left out ot his concert set-list but all in all the concert was awesome!!! How can it not be? It is Bon Jovi after all!! ROCK ON \m/

Cross Fit

I have recently decided that it is time I got fit. Whilst I have been blessed with a pretty good metabolism rate and can eat anything I want without putting on much weight I still wish that I had a leaner body. Plus the results of my medical check-up have never been good : high cholestorol, high uric acid and low calcium levels.

So I finally decided to do something about it - to change my dietary habits and to start exercising more. First, I started by drinking more water. On a good day I usually get by on 1 litre of water. I have now increased it dramatically and try to drink at least 3 litres per day. I have also cut down on my consumption of Coke (sigh....this is the hardest part). I now allow myself only one or two per week. I used to drink 1 per day! I have also reduced my consumption on unhealthy junk food. My breakfast now also consist of healthier choices such as  Ok, that is as far as I have gotten for now. Will try to eat more greens soon! Oh well, baby steps...:)

I am also trying to reduce my alcohol consumption as it has been affecting my sleep of late. After 3 glasses or so I will have difficulty falling into a deep sleep. I am someone who can get by on 4 hours of sleep as long as those 4 hours are good solid hours of sleep.

As for the exercise department, I am a person who loves cardio more than I do weights. So it was easy for me to increase the frequency of my runs but extremely difficult for me to get started on weights. The solution? Sign up for classes! What class did I sign up for? CROSS FIT! I rounded up 3 other friends and we are now on the course for starters which  consist of 2 classes per week for 4 weeks. I have to say I  am loving it so far. The 1st class was really easy but the second one was a real killer which left me with arms that ached for 3 solid days! But it was a nice kind of pain. Hahaha....masochistic much?

WISH ME LUCK!

Happy Birthday Malaysia!

Today my country, Malaysia, celebrated her 58th birthday...:) It was a bittersweet day for Malaysia as 2 days prior a rally was held in the capital city of Kuala Lumpur. The rally was dubbed Bersih 4.0. Bersih means clean in the English language.

Over the years, the people of Malaysia has slowly begun to find their voice. They are now more willing to speak up when they are dissatisfied with something. They used to have the mentality that someone else will deal with it. The rally was the 4th installment of rallies that have been held over the years. The ruling government has been in power ever since Malaysia's independence and there no longer exists the proper check and balances to ensure a democracy. There is no longer the crucial separation of powers between the Legislative, Executive and Judicial arm. The government no longer holds themselve accountable to the people who elected them.

There are still those who says "What is the poing of rallying? It's not going to change anything." That is the mentality that frustrates the hell out of me. If everyone adopts that attitude that change will never happen. Change takes time. I am not under any illusion or that naive to believe that change will happen overnight, but we have to start somewhere right?

If you do not know what the Bersih rally is about, go Google it up. It is too long to get into here and will probably bore you to death. But the gist of it is to ask for clean elections (where a government is there by winning the popular vote, not by gerrymandering). justice and freedom of speech.

But the rallies also reminded us about the true spirit of Malaysians. The theme for this year's Merdeka (independence) celebration was "Sehati, Sejiwa" which means "One Heart, One Soul", which is ironic seeing as the government has been doing it's best to creat discord amongst the races (mainly between the Malays and the Chinese). At the rally people from all walks of life and from all races marched on together. Whatever differences they had, they put aside. For those 2 days they only had one aim, one goal, one vision. On that day, there were Malaysians (not Malays, not Chinese, not Indians, but Malaysians). They stood tall, they stood proud and most importantly they stood united.

The Great Tinder Experiment

Ok. So I did it. I joined the online dating community. I actually signed up for Tinder and OK Cupid. What transpired left me in stitches.

Let's review Tinder first. Am definitely not surprised that Tinder is used more for hook-ups then for anything else. You don't really get to write much about yourself. You are only given 500 words or so to describe yourself and everything else is based on the photos that you post on Tinder. Since I was not gonna pay for Tinder Plus,  I could only search for those who are within 100 km of where I am. For those of you who don't know how Tinder works, you will be shown a bunch of pictures. If you swipe right it means you like them. If you swipe left it means you have no interest in the guy. So if a guy that you swiped right too also swiped right on your photo, then you guys can start chatting. I don't mean to diss Malaysian men but honestly some of the photos posted just left me wondering about what those guys were thinking! If you were gonna go on a dating site, you could choose a better photo. Some of them look downright sloppy! Needless to say, I didn't swipe right to any of the guys. Call me superfical to judge someone based on looks, but on Tinder that's all you can do!

So, next I went on to OK Cupid (or OKC for short). So for this, you are given a bunch of questions to answer as part of your profile. It may not tell you the whole story about the other person. In fact it could all even be a bunch of lies. But it can at least give you a sense of whether that person has a sense of humor or is even remotely interesting. Based on your answer, OKC will then match you with guys who they think could be a good match for you. You can limit your search to your area or you can even search worldwide. I find OKC a much more interesting and effective dating app. Not that I actually went on any dates. I just found it interesting to read the profiles on it. But I have definitely drawn a conclusion. There is a huge difference between the Chinese that are born and raised in Asian countries and those who are born and raised in western countries. Here are some of them :-

(a) the AC (Asian Chinese) always try to get the conversation started with pick-up lines, some of which are so damn cheesy. The Western Chinese (WC) will just generally ask you how your day was etc.
(b) the ACs don't take that much pride in what they wear and somehow lacks a certain level of confidence. The WCs are well dressed even when in jeans and a plain t-shirt and their self-assurance always comes across in the photos.
(c) the AC's lack individualism and their profiles are usually a bore to read. The profiles of a WC are generally more humourous and interesting to read.

I may be over-generalising but the above is what I discovered as well in my interactions here in Malaysia with the Chinese as compared to my interactions with the British born Chinese from my days in the UK.

I find that I identify better with the WCs than the ACs. My personality and character is quite strong and most ACs don't really like those qualities in their girls. Oh well, C'est la Vie!

New Addition to the Family

There is a new addition to the family and he is super cute! His name is Simba and he is a 7 week old toy poodle.

To be perfectly honest, the arrival of Simba was greeted with mixed feelings. Our last dog, Vader, died a year ago and my mum and I said no more dog. My dad however, immediately wanted to go out and get another dog. Don't get me wrong, I love dogs but I work full time and I didn't want my mum to have to end up looking after another dog. It's time she had a break from always having to care for someone or something. 

The first week was really tense on the home front. My dad didn't quite live up to his promise that he would be the one taking care of the dog and my mum got left with trying to toilet train it, cleaning up the dog's poo and stuff, feeding it and bathing it. She got pretty frustrated and finally voiced out her frustrations. My mum will avoid confrontation if possible so she mostly keeps her frustrations to herself. Anyways, after that they worked out a schedule. I try to help out whenever possible but since I am working full time, I am not really at home much.

Anyways, my mum is sucker for a cute face so it is not surprise that she has fallen in love with Simba. Just check out his cute little face, it is hard not too!

Bon Jovi here I come!!!!

Woo hoo!!!! Finally got around to buying my ticket for the Bon Jovi concert! Super psyched and super excited! The last time they held a concert in Malaysia was when I was still in high school. I hope they sing more of their older stuff. You know, songs like You Give Love a Bad Name, Bed of Roses, Always,  Your Love Is Like Bad Medicine, Living on a Prayer.

Gotta go learn up all the lyrics to their songs. Shouldn't be a problem seeing as I already have got most of their songs memorised.

What's your favorite Bon Jovi song? Come on sing it with me...Shot thrugh the heart and you're to blame!

Musings on a lazy Sunday afternoon

I caught San Andreas in the theatres over the weekend. Can't resist a movie with The Rock in it. Have loved him ever since his WWE days (yes I watch wrestling). I have to say he has transitioned really well onto the big screen.

Anyways, the movie is set mainly in San Franciso, so obviously certain memories associated with my ex came rushing back into my mind. And you know what? It's ok. Those memories no longer give me a stabbing pain in my heart. It's something that I can push away relatively easily now as compared to before. Question is, why do these memories still come back or why do I still associate certain things with him so easily? Honestly, I don't have the answer to that but I have learned to just accept that it is what it is. There is no fighting or denying the fact that I was crazy about him. Initially I wanted to deny that I fell for someone so quickly. I guess that was my ego talking. But facts are facts and no matter how much you protest, the truth will always remain the truth.

I am now more able to look back at the whole incident and approach it in a more objective manner. But no matter how objective I try to be, one fact still remains. The type of guy that I am looking for, the type of guy that makes my heart skips a beat will have to have a lot of similar qualities to my ex. Not his douchebag qualities of course, but those parts of him that could make me laugh or knew me so well. Those parts of him which clicked so well with me. You can call me a sucker but like I said it is what it is.

I won't lie. I still do harbour hopes that we can be friends again one day. He will be back in January and if he still does not want to have anything to do with me then, it will make for an ackward situation as I am still hanging out with some of his closest friends. We shall see.

Photograph by Ed Sheeran

Ed Sheeran has done it again. Deep down I am a hopeless romantic and the lyrics of his songs always speak to that side of me. Loving his latest single. Check it out girls (and guys)!

Loving can hurt

Loving can hurt sometimes

But it's the only thing that I know

When it gets hard

You know it can get hard sometimes

It is the only thing that makes us feel alive

We keep this love in a photograph

We made these memories for ourselves

Where our eyes are never closing

Hearts are never broken

Times forever frozen still

So you can keep me

Inside the pocket

Of your ripped jeans

Holdin' me closer

'Til our eyes meet

You won't ever be alone

Wait for me to come home

Loving can heal

Loving can mend your soul

And it's the only thing that I know (know)

I swear it will get easier

Remember that with every piece of ya

And it's the only thing we take with us when we die

We keep this love in this photograph

We made these memories for ourselves

Where our eyes are never closing

Our hearts were never broken

Times forever frozen still

So you can keep me

Inside the pocket

Of your ripped jeans

Holdin' me closer

'Til our eyes meet

You won't ever be alone

And if you hurt me

That's OK, baby, only words bleed

Inside these pages you just hold me

And I won't ever let you go

Wait for me to come home [4x]

Oh you can fit me

Inside the necklace you got when you were 16

Next to your heartbeat

Where I should be

Keep it deep within your soul

And if you hurt me

Well, that's OK, baby, only words bleed

Inside these pages you just hold me

And I won't ever let you go

When I'm away

I will remember how you kissed me

Under the lamppost

Back on 6th street

Hearing you whisper through the phone,

"Wait for me to come home."

To Tinder or Not To Tinder

One day, one of my fellow singleton BFF suggested that I try Tinder. My friend suggested Tinder because I was lamenting the fact that it's hard to meet anyone new in this town.  She tried it and thought it was a great way to meet new people. Ever since then I have been toying with the idea. I have yet to take the plunge - being afraid of who or even what I would find in Tinder. Will it be filled with weirdos? If yes, would I then be considered one too? Will it be filled with guys only looking for a fling or even a ONS? Don't get me wrong, I am not placing my hopes in finding THE ONE on Tinder, but neither do I want to have to deal with guys who only want flings or ONSs.

Feel free to share your thoughts (or experience) on this whole online dating culture.

Smart women, stupid relationship decisions

Have you ever wondered why is it that no matter how smart a woman is she still tends to make crazy stupid relationship decisions? Somehow when it comes to men, our smarts go out the window! We hold on to those who don't deserve us. We spend our time on those who do not even deserve a single minute of it.

I have seen this happen to so many of my accomplished girlfriends. These are attractive, smart, independent women. Some of them get stuck in abusive relationships for years. Some of them invest so much of their time on someone who can barely even spare a minute of his time for her. Some of them get caught up in the vicious cycle of being with a serial cheater. Heck, if you don't believe me just look at Hollywood! Look at Rihanna and Chris Brown. Selina Gomez and Justin Bieber. Ok, maybe not the best examples but you get my drift.

Why is it that when it comes to men we tend to forget our self worth? Why is it that when someone tells us that we deserve better we never believe them (and they usually end up being right)? What is it about our biological make up that makes us fall so deeply for the ones that are soooooo bad for us? But I guess all these bad relationships are there to teach us a lesson. I read somewhere once that it takes bad relationships for us to have a good relationship. Somehow that makes sense.

Oh well. Nothing to be ashamed of. It happens to the best of us!

But the next time you find yourself getting caught up in the web of a guy who is soooo totally not worth it, just remember this....

I hate goodbyes

Today, one my my closest and dearest friend moved to Germany. I have not known her for as long as I have known some of my other BFFs but she has definitely become one my besties over the years. She has constantly been there for me in the past couple of years when my life kinda mimicked a roller coaster ride. She always had faith in me even when I had none in myself. And she is always always rooting for my happiness. Most importantly she never judges my actions - even when I do the stupidest things. She really made it easier for me to pick up the pieces whenever my relationships fall apart.

I cried buckets when I was sending her off. She cried. I cried. Sigh. What a mess. I cried while driving home. I cried after I got home. I really am gonna miss having her around. All the crazy things that we got up to. Our drunken boozy nights out. Our long drawn out lunch and gossip sessions (yes we are guilty of gossiping at times).

Why is it that as we get older, goodbyes become harder to say? I remember when I was much younger, goodbyes were so much easier for me to say. Even when I was leaving to further my studies in the UK, I never felt sad to leave behind my family and friends and conversely when I was leaving UK to come back home I never felt sad to to leave behind all my new found friends. Goodbyes never used to fazed me.

But as I grew older, goodbyes became harder to say. I started to know what it is like to miss your family. Your friends. Your significant other. Goodbyes now meant a red nose and puffy eyes. I guess I grew more human as a I grew older? Maybe my feelings matured over the years.

Yesterday, I sent someone else off at the airport as well. I wished him goodbye and he replied "No, not goodbye. See you later." 

#LoveWins

Yay for love! A new landmark ruling passed by the Supreme Court of the US of A has legalized gay marriage nationwide. This historic ruling has not exactly found favor in all quarters though. It certainly has gotten everyone talking. From my Facebook newsfeed alone I can see the divided opinions of my friends and acquaintances. As for me, I am 100% in favor of the decision and applaud the 5 supreme court judges for their courage in doing so. Thanks to them the gay community in the USA can now enjoy the same rights that heterosexuals do.

You may have a different viewpoint from me and that is ok. But hear me out. 

What is so wrong with allowing gay marriage? Does it create social ills? I don't see how it does. Most importantly how does a union between two homosexuals affect you and your life? I don't see how it does. It may offend your sensitivities but that is your problem, not theirs.

Correct me if I am wrong, but I do not believe that our sexual orientation is a choice that we make in our life. We don't wake up one day and go "Oh, I think I am going to be gay from this day forward." I believe that we are born to be what we are. Those who use religion as an argument seems to use it to their advantage whenever it pleases them (one of the reasons why I have stayed away from any religion).  I thought most religions preach tolerance, understanding and love. I thought most religion teaches you not to judge others.

In any event, what right do we have to deny others their happiness? What right do we have to deny others their right to a fulfilling relationship that ends in marriage? Straight or gay, as long as the union is between two consulting adults, I don't see how that is anyone else's business but theirs.

Picture courtesy of the Associated Press - Evan Vucci

#LoveWins

Too beautiful to not share

Came across this on Pinterest (love that site!) and it was just too beautiful not to share! To my friends who are stuck with a partner who is not treating you well, to all of you out there who are settling for less, let this be a reminder to you about the way you deserved to be loved. Remember this - if you never let go of the the wrong one, you will never find the right one. 

Call me naive....

Do you believe in fairytales and happily ever after? Well, I do. Call me naive, but there is nothing wrong in wanting the best that you deserve. Why settle for anything less? I am not saying that I believe in Mr. Perfect. But I do believe in Mr. Right. Below is an article that I came across in The Elite Daily. Don't take it too literally but the gist of the article is something that we should all strive for when it comes to relationships.

Why You Deserve Someone Who Will Give You The World And Nothing Less

BY SONYA MATEJKO
There are many things we may settle for in life: the meal that has fewer calories, the bad job in the right city or maybe the clothes on the sale rack. The one thing we should never settle for, however, is love.

There are many average things in life, but love should not be one of them. Through the masses of mediocre, common and run-of-the-mill things that we experience day by day, love should certainly defy them all.

We should never settle for someone who could walk away and not turn back. We should never settle for someone who doesn’t recognize what he is holding when embracing our hands or someone who doesn’t remind us every day of how much we mean to him.

What you truly deserve, well, is everything.

What you deserve is someone missing you the moment you walk out the door, even if you’ll only be gone a moment.

You deserve someone who may not believe in fairytales, but who treats you like a princess simply because that’s what you are to him.

You deserve someone who will challenge you instead of just giving in. Someone who will share his honest thoughts with you because you’re going to share your honest lives together; yet, someone who knows how to forgive and to be happy instead of right.

You deserve that epic passion that “50 Shades of Grey” doesn’t even cover: a spark that never goes dim, eyes that only turn to you and the need to feel your touch whenever you’re around. You deserve a passion that awakens your inner being and intertwines your hearts into one.

You deserve to always feel wanted, to never doubt for a moment how your significant other feels about you.

You deserve to never waver for a second that the future consists of you together, both looking forward. You deserve the safety that encompasses you like a wave, sometimes in a swell, but forever coasting.

You deserve every birthday remembered and every holiday embraced. You deserve effort behind any gift, even if it’s a flower picked up from the sidewalk on the way home.

You deserve a thought behind every word, especially when saying goodbye. You deserve letters, notes and Post-Its that remind you how special you are to him on any given day.

You deserve to be held with tenderness. You deserve that earth-shattering kiss; the one that you need to stay alive and the one that is your sole nourishment for survival.

It breaks all bounds and you lose yourself in it every time. Your mind can’t find the difference between present, past and future because in that moment, time does not exist. You’re adrift between the taste of love and the feeling of forever.

You deserve to be introduced to friends as if you were the rarest thing on earth. You deserve to be brought into a room with pride in hand that he is so blessed to be standing beside you.

You deserve someone who would always choose the seat next to you and would never need to brag about how lucky he is because anyone could see it clearly in his face when he looks at you.

You deserve something that isn’t easy; a love that is hard, but you tough it out together. You learn through your battles and you start to fight them together.

You stand your ground, but you stand beside each other doing so. You deserve to be tested in your limits because it’s at the edge where you discover the greatest faith.

You deserve a true and epic love, nothing short of the above. You deserve to be someone’s dream come true, never someone’s afterthought. You deserve to walk on air and walk on fire at the same time because the very best things in life are not easy.

Yes, you deserve it all, but that person out there in the world deserves it, too. He deserves the girl in his arm to encompass everything he ever wanted.

You yourself must justify the love you think you deserve. So be the person that deserves the world, and the world will bring you that love.

Don't get me wrong. I am not saying that if the guy does not leave you love notes, you should ditch him. But honestly the one thing I have come to realise is that I shouldn't be the only one in the relationship who feels lucky to be with the guy I am with. The guy too should feel lucky to have me. Not just lucky when things are going well, but lucky to have me even with all my flaws and imperfection. To stay and fight with me to make things work no matter how difficult the relationship may get.

All I am saying is, don't settle. Don't settle for less than your expectations. Don't settle for a guy who does not think the world of you. Don't settle for a guy who does not love you the way you deserved to be loved. Don't settle for a guy who would not fight for your love. Don't settle for a guy who would not fight for your relationship.

Reflections

A couple of days ago I had the sweetest message from my friend. You remember the girl that I mentioned that was moving over to Germany? This is what she said to me :

"Thank you for being such a good friend to me. I am glad that she knows me and wishes that I will get what I am looking for someday."

I too have been extremely fortunate to have her as a friend. I like her straight talking way and her honesty. A true friend is someone who tells you the truth even when it hurts. 

She then asked me if I am over my ex. I don't know if I am 100% over the whole thing (be it him or the relationship or the break-up) but I do know the I am no longer engulfed by an overwhelming sense of loneliness. I still remember my last trip to KL and despite having a roomate at the hotel and subsequently staying with my sister, all I wantd to do was to come home to my own room in my own home. But this trip, eventhough I was the only one staying at the hotel, I was perfectly fine. I didn't feel overwhelmed by my situation or by loneliness.

She said she was glad that I met my ex and went through what I went through cause it made me realise what I really wanted. And it's true. It made me take a deeper and longer look at myself and where my life was headed. Through it all I am slowly finding my way back to me. I have always been a positive person. The type of girl who always believe that everything happens for a reason. The girl who always sees the silver lining in every cloud. The kind of girl who will never settle for anything less. But in 2013 and 2014 I kinda lost my way. I lost who I was. I became a tad bit cynical and walls were built around me. And I settled. I settled for relationships where I couldn't really get hurt that badly. I settled for relationships where there no expectations of long term commitment.

With my ex, I let the walls come down. I opened myself up. I got hurt pretty bad. But knowing that I can get hurt and I still came out of it ok is a reminder of how strong I am. How strong I have always been. It gives me hope. I am getting my faith back and I don't feel the need to runaway from my problems. I can face them head on and still walk away standing.

I have recovered my faith that got lost along the way. My faith that everything happens for a reason. My faith in fate - that fate has a plan for me. My faith in faith itself.

So yes, the break up hurt. Yes it took me awhile to start healing from it. It took me awhile to finally let go of him. But I wouldn't change a thing.