Reflections

A couple of days ago I had the sweetest message from my friend. You remember the girl that I mentioned that was moving over to Germany? This is what she said to me :

"Thank you for being such a good friend to me. I am glad that she knows me and wishes that I will get what I am looking for someday."

I too have been extremely fortunate to have her as a friend. I like her straight talking way and her honesty. A true friend is someone who tells you the truth even when it hurts. 

She then asked me if I am over my ex. I don't know if I am 100% over the whole thing (be it him or the relationship or the break-up) but I do know the I am no longer engulfed by an overwhelming sense of loneliness. I still remember my last trip to KL and despite having a roomate at the hotel and subsequently staying with my sister, all I wantd to do was to come home to my own room in my own home. But this trip, eventhough I was the only one staying at the hotel, I was perfectly fine. I didn't feel overwhelmed by my situation or by loneliness.

She said she was glad that I met my ex and went through what I went through cause it made me realise what I really wanted. And it's true. It made me take a deeper and longer look at myself and where my life was headed. Through it all I am slowly finding my way back to me. I have always been a positive person. The type of girl who always believe that everything happens for a reason. The girl who always sees the silver lining in every cloud. The kind of girl who will never settle for anything less. But in 2013 and 2014 I kinda lost my way. I lost who I was. I became a tad bit cynical and walls were built around me. And I settled. I settled for relationships where I couldn't really get hurt that badly. I settled for relationships where there no expectations of long term commitment.

With my ex, I let the walls come down. I opened myself up. I got hurt pretty bad. But knowing that I can get hurt and I still came out of it ok is a reminder of how strong I am. How strong I have always been. It gives me hope. I am getting my faith back and I don't feel the need to runaway from my problems. I can face them head on and still walk away standing.

I have recovered my faith that got lost along the way. My faith that everything happens for a reason. My faith in fate - that fate has a plan for me. My faith in faith itself.

So yes, the break up hurt. Yes it took me awhile to start healing from it. It took me awhile to finally let go of him. But I wouldn't change a thing.