Officially 36

So I officially turned 36 on Sunday, 15 November 2015. It was a weekend filled with celebrations which more or less kicked off on Thursday. I am truly blessed to have had so many people who celebrated this occasion with me..:)

So now that the celebrations are over and things have settled down, I guess it's time to reflect for a bit. The saying goes "One year older, one year wiser". Hmmm...if I wonder if that rings true for me. In some ways I guess it does. I have gotten wiser about life but there is still so much more for me to learn.

Apart from starting a new job, it has been a relatively uneventful year for me, but it has definitely been a more positive year. I am in a good place in my life and am looking forward to what the coming year will bring.

I may not have achieved all my goals or be where I thought I would be but, such is life right? We just have to go with the flow and learn not to let things get you down. So here is me looking forward to another great year. Great things may not happen but how the year turns out is all up to me, right?

Live, Laugh, Love

How time flies. Just realised that it has been awhile since I last updated my blog. Work has been so busy lately. Between that and juggling my fashion blog, I barely have time to update this one.

November is upon us. In 10 days' I will turn 36 (shudder), but age is just a number, right? Truth be told I am in a better place this year than I was a year ago. I think I was kinda lost last year after what was a not so great year. But I have grown so much over the past year and my old self is back - better than ever. I have my faith back and hope grows eternal...:) I guess the saying is true - one year older, one year wiser.

To  mark this milestone and to serve as a reminder to myself to never get lost, I got myself my third ink.

Cake By The Ocean by DNCE

This is my new happy song. It has been playing over and over and over again on my player!!! Loving it!!! It makes me wanna grooveeeee.....

We have Graduated!

Phew! We have graduated from our CrossFit starter course! One gruelling month of classes held twice a week, but it was fun. There were plenty of aches and sores and complains from us each day after class but we still kept going back for more and we will continue to go back for more! We are signing up for the 3 months membership - call us suckers for pain but, oh well!

Fashion & Style Blog

I FINALLY launched my fashion & style blog. After much hard work and plenty of delays (due to things picking up at work), I got it done and it is now up and running. I don't know if it will take off or not but it is something that I love doing so at least I get satisfaction from that...:)

If you are into fashion or just need some fashion and style tips, you can check out my blog at Your Style Concierge. Hope you like it! You can also follow me on Instragram, Pinterest, Tumblr & Twitter!

It's My Life!

The last time Bon Jovi held a concert in Malaysia was 20 years ago! After making me wait THAT long for another concert they finally performed in Stadium Merdeka on 19th September 2015.

At 53 years old, Mr. Jon Bon Jovi is still looking pretty damn good! The band did a great job of engaging the crowd. Those at the VVIP and VIP section were definitely rocking away to their songs. Unfortunately the area where I was at, the crowd mostly sat throughout the whole concert only chiming in to sing to the more familiar tunes of Living on a Prayer and It's My Life. I, of course, was having none of that! I stood by the railings at the stand and was singing to every single song of theirs!

He did require more effort to hit the higher notes in some of his songs though, and songs like Always and I'll Be There For You was completely left out ot his concert set-list but all in all the concert was awesome!!! How can it not be? It is Bon Jovi after all!! ROCK ON \m/

Cross Fit

I have recently decided that it is time I got fit. Whilst I have been blessed with a pretty good metabolism rate and can eat anything I want without putting on much weight I still wish that I had a leaner body. Plus the results of my medical check-up have never been good : high cholestorol, high uric acid and low calcium levels.

So I finally decided to do something about it - to change my dietary habits and to start exercising more. First, I started by drinking more water. On a good day I usually get by on 1 litre of water. I have now increased it dramatically and try to drink at least 3 litres per day. I have also cut down on my consumption of Coke (sigh....this is the hardest part). I now allow myself only one or two per week. I used to drink 1 per day! I have also reduced my consumption on unhealthy junk food. My breakfast now also consist of healthier choices such as  Ok, that is as far as I have gotten for now. Will try to eat more greens soon! Oh well, baby steps...:)

I am also trying to reduce my alcohol consumption as it has been affecting my sleep of late. After 3 glasses or so I will have difficulty falling into a deep sleep. I am someone who can get by on 4 hours of sleep as long as those 4 hours are good solid hours of sleep.

As for the exercise department, I am a person who loves cardio more than I do weights. So it was easy for me to increase the frequency of my runs but extremely difficult for me to get started on weights. The solution? Sign up for classes! What class did I sign up for? CROSS FIT! I rounded up 3 other friends and we are now on the course for starters which  consist of 2 classes per week for 4 weeks. I have to say I  am loving it so far. The 1st class was really easy but the second one was a real killer which left me with arms that ached for 3 solid days! But it was a nice kind of pain. Hahaha....masochistic much?

WISH ME LUCK!

Happy Birthday Malaysia!

Today my country, Malaysia, celebrated her 58th birthday...:) It was a bittersweet day for Malaysia as 2 days prior a rally was held in the capital city of Kuala Lumpur. The rally was dubbed Bersih 4.0. Bersih means clean in the English language.

Over the years, the people of Malaysia has slowly begun to find their voice. They are now more willing to speak up when they are dissatisfied with something. They used to have the mentality that someone else will deal with it. The rally was the 4th installment of rallies that have been held over the years. The ruling government has been in power ever since Malaysia's independence and there no longer exists the proper check and balances to ensure a democracy. There is no longer the crucial separation of powers between the Legislative, Executive and Judicial arm. The government no longer holds themselve accountable to the people who elected them.

There are still those who says "What is the poing of rallying? It's not going to change anything." That is the mentality that frustrates the hell out of me. If everyone adopts that attitude that change will never happen. Change takes time. I am not under any illusion or that naive to believe that change will happen overnight, but we have to start somewhere right?

If you do not know what the Bersih rally is about, go Google it up. It is too long to get into here and will probably bore you to death. But the gist of it is to ask for clean elections (where a government is there by winning the popular vote, not by gerrymandering). justice and freedom of speech.

But the rallies also reminded us about the true spirit of Malaysians. The theme for this year's Merdeka (independence) celebration was "Sehati, Sejiwa" which means "One Heart, One Soul", which is ironic seeing as the government has been doing it's best to creat discord amongst the races (mainly between the Malays and the Chinese). At the rally people from all walks of life and from all races marched on together. Whatever differences they had, they put aside. For those 2 days they only had one aim, one goal, one vision. On that day, there were Malaysians (not Malays, not Chinese, not Indians, but Malaysians). They stood tall, they stood proud and most importantly they stood united.

The Great Tinder Experiment

Ok. So I did it. I joined the online dating community. I actually signed up for Tinder and OK Cupid. What transpired left me in stitches.

Let's review Tinder first. Am definitely not surprised that Tinder is used more for hook-ups then for anything else. You don't really get to write much about yourself. You are only given 500 words or so to describe yourself and everything else is based on the photos that you post on Tinder. Since I was not gonna pay for Tinder Plus,  I could only search for those who are within 100 km of where I am. For those of you who don't know how Tinder works, you will be shown a bunch of pictures. If you swipe right it means you like them. If you swipe left it means you have no interest in the guy. So if a guy that you swiped right too also swiped right on your photo, then you guys can start chatting. I don't mean to diss Malaysian men but honestly some of the photos posted just left me wondering about what those guys were thinking! If you were gonna go on a dating site, you could choose a better photo. Some of them look downright sloppy! Needless to say, I didn't swipe right to any of the guys. Call me superfical to judge someone based on looks, but on Tinder that's all you can do!

So, next I went on to OK Cupid (or OKC for short). So for this, you are given a bunch of questions to answer as part of your profile. It may not tell you the whole story about the other person. In fact it could all even be a bunch of lies. But it can at least give you a sense of whether that person has a sense of humor or is even remotely interesting. Based on your answer, OKC will then match you with guys who they think could be a good match for you. You can limit your search to your area or you can even search worldwide. I find OKC a much more interesting and effective dating app. Not that I actually went on any dates. I just found it interesting to read the profiles on it. But I have definitely drawn a conclusion. There is a huge difference between the Chinese that are born and raised in Asian countries and those who are born and raised in western countries. Here are some of them :-

(a) the AC (Asian Chinese) always try to get the conversation started with pick-up lines, some of which are so damn cheesy. The Western Chinese (WC) will just generally ask you how your day was etc.
(b) the ACs don't take that much pride in what they wear and somehow lacks a certain level of confidence. The WCs are well dressed even when in jeans and a plain t-shirt and their self-assurance always comes across in the photos.
(c) the AC's lack individualism and their profiles are usually a bore to read. The profiles of a WC are generally more humourous and interesting to read.

I may be over-generalising but the above is what I discovered as well in my interactions here in Malaysia with the Chinese as compared to my interactions with the British born Chinese from my days in the UK.

I find that I identify better with the WCs than the ACs. My personality and character is quite strong and most ACs don't really like those qualities in their girls. Oh well, C'est la Vie!

Heroes by Alesso Feat. Tove Lo

Check this song out by Alesso feat. Tove Lo. Love it cause I am a different kind...:) 

Everyday people do everyday things but I

Can't be one of them

I know you hear me now, we are a different kind

We can do anything

New Addition to the Family

There is a new addition to the family and he is super cute! His name is Simba and he is a 7 week old toy poodle.

To be perfectly honest, the arrival of Simba was greeted with mixed feelings. Our last dog, Vader, died a year ago and my mum and I said no more dog. My dad however, immediately wanted to go out and get another dog. Don't get me wrong, I love dogs but I work full time and I didn't want my mum to have to end up looking after another dog. It's time she had a break from always having to care for someone or something. 

The first week was really tense on the home front. My dad didn't quite live up to his promise that he would be the one taking care of the dog and my mum got left with trying to toilet train it, cleaning up the dog's poo and stuff, feeding it and bathing it. She got pretty frustrated and finally voiced out her frustrations. My mum will avoid confrontation if possible so she mostly keeps her frustrations to herself. Anyways, after that they worked out a schedule. I try to help out whenever possible but since I am working full time, I am not really at home much.

Anyways, my mum is sucker for a cute face so it is not surprise that she has fallen in love with Simba. Just check out his cute little face, it is hard not too!

Been a little quiet

I know I have been pretty quiet of late. Work has been pretty busy and my social calendar has been preettttyyy hectic as well, both of which are good things I guess!

Anyways, will write more soon!

Till then,
XOXO

Bon Jovi here I come!!!!

Woo hoo!!!! Finally got around to buying my ticket for the Bon Jovi concert! Super psyched and super excited! The last time they held a concert in Malaysia was when I was still in high school. I hope they sing more of their older stuff. You know, songs like You Give Love a Bad Name, Bed of Roses, Always,  Your Love Is Like Bad Medicine, Living on a Prayer.

Gotta go learn up all the lyrics to their songs. Shouldn't be a problem seeing as I already have got most of their songs memorised.

What's your favorite Bon Jovi song? Come on sing it with me...Shot thrugh the heart and you're to blame!

Musings on a lazy Sunday afternoon

I caught San Andreas in the theatres over the weekend. Can't resist a movie with The Rock in it. Have loved him ever since his WWE days (yes I watch wrestling). I have to say he has transitioned really well onto the big screen.

Anyways, the movie is set mainly in San Franciso, so obviously certain memories associated with my ex came rushing back into my mind. And you know what? It's ok. Those memories no longer give me a stabbing pain in my heart. It's something that I can push away relatively easily now as compared to before. Question is, why do these memories still come back or why do I still associate certain things with him so easily? Honestly, I don't have the answer to that but I have learned to just accept that it is what it is. There is no fighting or denying the fact that I was crazy about him. Initially I wanted to deny that I fell for someone so quickly. I guess that was my ego talking. But facts are facts and no matter how much you protest, the truth will always remain the truth.

I am now more able to look back at the whole incident and approach it in a more objective manner. But no matter how objective I try to be, one fact still remains. The type of guy that I am looking for, the type of guy that makes my heart skips a beat will have to have a lot of similar qualities to my ex. Not his douchebag qualities of course, but those parts of him that could make me laugh or knew me so well. Those parts of him which clicked so well with me. You can call me a sucker but like I said it is what it is.

I won't lie. I still do harbour hopes that we can be friends again one day. He will be back in January and if he still does not want to have anything to do with me then, it will make for an ackward situation as I am still hanging out with some of his closest friends. We shall see.

Photograph by Ed Sheeran

Ed Sheeran has done it again. Deep down I am a hopeless romantic and the lyrics of his songs always speak to that side of me. Loving his latest single. Check it out girls (and guys)!

Loving can hurt

Loving can hurt sometimes

But it's the only thing that I know

When it gets hard

You know it can get hard sometimes

It is the only thing that makes us feel alive

We keep this love in a photograph

We made these memories for ourselves

Where our eyes are never closing

Hearts are never broken

Times forever frozen still

So you can keep me

Inside the pocket

Of your ripped jeans

Holdin' me closer

'Til our eyes meet

You won't ever be alone

Wait for me to come home

Loving can heal

Loving can mend your soul

And it's the only thing that I know (know)

I swear it will get easier

Remember that with every piece of ya

And it's the only thing we take with us when we die

We keep this love in this photograph

We made these memories for ourselves

Where our eyes are never closing

Our hearts were never broken

Times forever frozen still

So you can keep me

Inside the pocket

Of your ripped jeans

Holdin' me closer

'Til our eyes meet

You won't ever be alone

And if you hurt me

That's OK, baby, only words bleed

Inside these pages you just hold me

And I won't ever let you go

Wait for me to come home [4x]

Oh you can fit me

Inside the necklace you got when you were 16

Next to your heartbeat

Where I should be

Keep it deep within your soul

And if you hurt me

Well, that's OK, baby, only words bleed

Inside these pages you just hold me

And I won't ever let you go

When I'm away

I will remember how you kissed me

Under the lamppost

Back on 6th street

Hearing you whisper through the phone,

"Wait for me to come home."

To Tinder or Not To Tinder

One day, one of my fellow singleton BFF suggested that I try Tinder. My friend suggested Tinder because I was lamenting the fact that it's hard to meet anyone new in this town.  She tried it and thought it was a great way to meet new people. Ever since then I have been toying with the idea. I have yet to take the plunge - being afraid of who or even what I would find in Tinder. Will it be filled with weirdos? If yes, would I then be considered one too? Will it be filled with guys only looking for a fling or even a ONS? Don't get me wrong, I am not placing my hopes in finding THE ONE on Tinder, but neither do I want to have to deal with guys who only want flings or ONSs.

Feel free to share your thoughts (or experience) on this whole online dating culture.

Smart women, stupid relationship decisions

Have you ever wondered why is it that no matter how smart a woman is she still tends to make crazy stupid relationship decisions? Somehow when it comes to men, our smarts go out the window! We hold on to those who don't deserve us. We spend our time on those who do not even deserve a single minute of it.

I have seen this happen to so many of my accomplished girlfriends. These are attractive, smart, independent women. Some of them get stuck in abusive relationships for years. Some of them invest so much of their time on someone who can barely even spare a minute of his time for her. Some of them get caught up in the vicious cycle of being with a serial cheater. Heck, if you don't believe me just look at Hollywood! Look at Rihanna and Chris Brown. Selina Gomez and Justin Bieber. Ok, maybe not the best examples but you get my drift.

Why is it that when it comes to men we tend to forget our self worth? Why is it that when someone tells us that we deserve better we never believe them (and they usually end up being right)? What is it about our biological make up that makes us fall so deeply for the ones that are soooooo bad for us? But I guess all these bad relationships are there to teach us a lesson. I read somewhere once that it takes bad relationships for us to have a good relationship. Somehow that makes sense.

Oh well. Nothing to be ashamed of. It happens to the best of us!

But the next time you find yourself getting caught up in the web of a guy who is soooo totally not worth it, just remember this....

Loom by Wedding Dress

I love music and I love discovering new songs. Was watching an episode of Criminal Minds and I came across this song....tried to Shazam and SoundHound it but to no avail! But thanks to my best friend, Google, here it is.....

Loom by Wedding Dress

Hope you enjoy it as much as I do. Love the mellow and slightly haunting tune.

I hate goodbyes

Today, one my my closest and dearest friend moved to Germany. I have not known her for as long as I have known some of my other BFFs but she has definitely become one my besties over the years. She has constantly been there for me in the past couple of years when my life kinda mimicked a roller coaster ride. She always had faith in me even when I had none in myself. And she is always always rooting for my happiness. Most importantly she never judges my actions - even when I do the stupidest things. She really made it easier for me to pick up the pieces whenever my relationships fall apart.

I cried buckets when I was sending her off. She cried. I cried. Sigh. What a mess. I cried while driving home. I cried after I got home. I really am gonna miss having her around. All the crazy things that we got up to. Our drunken boozy nights out. Our long drawn out lunch and gossip sessions (yes we are guilty of gossiping at times).

Why is it that as we get older, goodbyes become harder to say? I remember when I was much younger, goodbyes were so much easier for me to say. Even when I was leaving to further my studies in the UK, I never felt sad to leave behind my family and friends and conversely when I was leaving UK to come back home I never felt sad to to leave behind all my new found friends. Goodbyes never used to fazed me.

But as I grew older, goodbyes became harder to say. I started to know what it is like to miss your family. Your friends. Your significant other. Goodbyes now meant a red nose and puffy eyes. I guess I grew more human as a I grew older? Maybe my feelings matured over the years.

Yesterday, I sent someone else off at the airport as well. I wished him goodbye and he replied "No, not goodbye. See you later." 

#LoveWins

Yay for love! A new landmark ruling passed by the Supreme Court of the US of A has legalized gay marriage nationwide. This historic ruling has not exactly found favor in all quarters though. It certainly has gotten everyone talking. From my Facebook newsfeed alone I can see the divided opinions of my friends and acquaintances. As for me, I am 100% in favor of the decision and applaud the 5 supreme court judges for their courage in doing so. Thanks to them the gay community in the USA can now enjoy the same rights that heterosexuals do.

You may have a different viewpoint from me and that is ok. But hear me out. 

What is so wrong with allowing gay marriage? Does it create social ills? I don't see how it does. Most importantly how does a union between two homosexuals affect you and your life? I don't see how it does. It may offend your sensitivities but that is your problem, not theirs.

Correct me if I am wrong, but I do not believe that our sexual orientation is a choice that we make in our life. We don't wake up one day and go "Oh, I think I am going to be gay from this day forward." I believe that we are born to be what we are. Those who use religion as an argument seems to use it to their advantage whenever it pleases them (one of the reasons why I have stayed away from any religion).  I thought most religions preach tolerance, understanding and love. I thought most religion teaches you not to judge others.

In any event, what right do we have to deny others their happiness? What right do we have to deny others their right to a fulfilling relationship that ends in marriage? Straight or gay, as long as the union is between two consulting adults, I don't see how that is anyone else's business but theirs.

Picture courtesy of the Associated Press - Evan Vucci

#LoveWins

Too beautiful to not share

Came across this on Pinterest (love that site!) and it was just too beautiful not to share! To my friends who are stuck with a partner who is not treating you well, to all of you out there who are settling for less, let this be a reminder to you about the way you deserved to be loved. Remember this - if you never let go of the the wrong one, you will never find the right one. 

Call me naive....

Do you believe in fairytales and happily ever after? Well, I do. Call me naive, but there is nothing wrong in wanting the best that you deserve. Why settle for anything less? I am not saying that I believe in Mr. Perfect. But I do believe in Mr. Right. Below is an article that I came across in The Elite Daily. Don't take it too literally but the gist of the article is something that we should all strive for when it comes to relationships.

Why You Deserve Someone Who Will Give You The World And Nothing Less

BY SONYA MATEJKO
There are many things we may settle for in life: the meal that has fewer calories, the bad job in the right city or maybe the clothes on the sale rack. The one thing we should never settle for, however, is love.

There are many average things in life, but love should not be one of them. Through the masses of mediocre, common and run-of-the-mill things that we experience day by day, love should certainly defy them all.

We should never settle for someone who could walk away and not turn back. We should never settle for someone who doesn’t recognize what he is holding when embracing our hands or someone who doesn’t remind us every day of how much we mean to him.

What you truly deserve, well, is everything.

What you deserve is someone missing you the moment you walk out the door, even if you’ll only be gone a moment.

You deserve someone who may not believe in fairytales, but who treats you like a princess simply because that’s what you are to him.

You deserve someone who will challenge you instead of just giving in. Someone who will share his honest thoughts with you because you’re going to share your honest lives together; yet, someone who knows how to forgive and to be happy instead of right.

You deserve that epic passion that “50 Shades of Grey” doesn’t even cover: a spark that never goes dim, eyes that only turn to you and the need to feel your touch whenever you’re around. You deserve a passion that awakens your inner being and intertwines your hearts into one.

You deserve to always feel wanted, to never doubt for a moment how your significant other feels about you.

You deserve to never waver for a second that the future consists of you together, both looking forward. You deserve the safety that encompasses you like a wave, sometimes in a swell, but forever coasting.

You deserve every birthday remembered and every holiday embraced. You deserve effort behind any gift, even if it’s a flower picked up from the sidewalk on the way home.

You deserve a thought behind every word, especially when saying goodbye. You deserve letters, notes and Post-Its that remind you how special you are to him on any given day.

You deserve to be held with tenderness. You deserve that earth-shattering kiss; the one that you need to stay alive and the one that is your sole nourishment for survival.

It breaks all bounds and you lose yourself in it every time. Your mind can’t find the difference between present, past and future because in that moment, time does not exist. You’re adrift between the taste of love and the feeling of forever.

You deserve to be introduced to friends as if you were the rarest thing on earth. You deserve to be brought into a room with pride in hand that he is so blessed to be standing beside you.

You deserve someone who would always choose the seat next to you and would never need to brag about how lucky he is because anyone could see it clearly in his face when he looks at you.

You deserve something that isn’t easy; a love that is hard, but you tough it out together. You learn through your battles and you start to fight them together.

You stand your ground, but you stand beside each other doing so. You deserve to be tested in your limits because it’s at the edge where you discover the greatest faith.

You deserve a true and epic love, nothing short of the above. You deserve to be someone’s dream come true, never someone’s afterthought. You deserve to walk on air and walk on fire at the same time because the very best things in life are not easy.

Yes, you deserve it all, but that person out there in the world deserves it, too. He deserves the girl in his arm to encompass everything he ever wanted.

You yourself must justify the love you think you deserve. So be the person that deserves the world, and the world will bring you that love.

Don't get me wrong. I am not saying that if the guy does not leave you love notes, you should ditch him. But honestly the one thing I have come to realise is that I shouldn't be the only one in the relationship who feels lucky to be with the guy I am with. The guy too should feel lucky to have me. Not just lucky when things are going well, but lucky to have me even with all my flaws and imperfection. To stay and fight with me to make things work no matter how difficult the relationship may get.

All I am saying is, don't settle. Don't settle for less than your expectations. Don't settle for a guy who does not think the world of you. Don't settle for a guy who does not love you the way you deserved to be loved. Don't settle for a guy who would not fight for your love. Don't settle for a guy who would not fight for your relationship.

Gone with the hair

Finally got myself a hair cut yesterday. It is so hard to catch an appointment with my hairstylist as he is hardly ever around! Been wanting to cut it ever since before I went to Bali, so you can only imagine how long I have been waiting for this.

Strangely, a hair cut always makes me feel so much better, especially after going  through some sort of turmoil in my life. Chopping off the hair is somehow symbolic of cutting off the bad stuff. With each snip of the scissors, with each falling strand of hair, it feels as though the weight is also slowly falling off my shoulders. It's funny isn't it how life works?

So what do you think of my new shorter hair?

Reflections

A couple of days ago I had the sweetest message from my friend. You remember the girl that I mentioned that was moving over to Germany? This is what she said to me :

"Thank you for being such a good friend to me. I am glad that she knows me and wishes that I will get what I am looking for someday."

I too have been extremely fortunate to have her as a friend. I like her straight talking way and her honesty. A true friend is someone who tells you the truth even when it hurts. 

She then asked me if I am over my ex. I don't know if I am 100% over the whole thing (be it him or the relationship or the break-up) but I do know the I am no longer engulfed by an overwhelming sense of loneliness. I still remember my last trip to KL and despite having a roomate at the hotel and subsequently staying with my sister, all I wantd to do was to come home to my own room in my own home. But this trip, eventhough I was the only one staying at the hotel, I was perfectly fine. I didn't feel overwhelmed by my situation or by loneliness.

She said she was glad that I met my ex and went through what I went through cause it made me realise what I really wanted. And it's true. It made me take a deeper and longer look at myself and where my life was headed. Through it all I am slowly finding my way back to me. I have always been a positive person. The type of girl who always believe that everything happens for a reason. The girl who always sees the silver lining in every cloud. The kind of girl who will never settle for anything less. But in 2013 and 2014 I kinda lost my way. I lost who I was. I became a tad bit cynical and walls were built around me. And I settled. I settled for relationships where I couldn't really get hurt that badly. I settled for relationships where there no expectations of long term commitment.

With my ex, I let the walls come down. I opened myself up. I got hurt pretty bad. But knowing that I can get hurt and I still came out of it ok is a reminder of how strong I am. How strong I have always been. It gives me hope. I am getting my faith back and I don't feel the need to runaway from my problems. I can face them head on and still walk away standing.

I have recovered my faith that got lost along the way. My faith that everything happens for a reason. My faith in fate - that fate has a plan for me. My faith in faith itself.

So yes, the break up hurt. Yes it took me awhile to start healing from it. It took me awhile to finally let go of him. But I wouldn't change a thing.

My Lemonade Project

Yay! My Lemonade Project (a.k.a. my style blog) finally has a name!! Took me a while to come up with it but finally it has a name. Now I can start working on designing it. Am super duper excited. This is going to be so much fun. I already have a colour scheme in mind as well a what my site should look like.

Gotta love the internet and technology these days. It makes setting up websites so much easier. Found this really cool online web design tool. It is called WIX and it is amazing! It allows a beginner like me to create a beautiful website. Will keep you posted on the progress of my style blog...:)

 Cheers!!! Celebrating My Lemonade Project

Back in my own little room again

Aaahhh....back in my own bed, in my own little room again. Got in from KL a tad bit late. Since I followed a friend's car back from KL, we made a pit-stop for dinner. Dinner was a delicious steamboat meal (a.k.a. hotpot) that left me a happy and well-fed girl. The soup was yam and fish based and was soooooooooo sweet and flavorful.

One of my favorite meals

 

I woke up this morning to thighs and legs that were screaming in protest at having been made to run so much yesterday. Obviously, they are not used to hard work! I guess sashaying around in high heels does not count as exercise! I hope that they ache a little less tomorrow. Right now, every step I take is an effort and to top it all off, I am coming down with the cold....AGAIN! It is the second time in less than 2 months. Am  using up my quota of sickness for the year!

So I guess I better hustle off to bed and get some rest...NITES!

Fun and Games

Am in KL again for the weekend. Heading back later today. Am down for my company's Family Day. It was plenty of fun. I participated in the Amazing Race challenge but sadly my team didn't win. It rained the night before so the grounds was all soggy and muddy on event day. This was how my gorgeous Nike shoes started out....

 Before

And this is how it ended up looking by the end of the day...

 After

I know...should have been smarter than to wear beige colour suede shoes but the weather in Penang was so hot and dry I didn't expect it to be so wet in KL. Anyways, the highlight of my day was meeting this cute little goat. There was a mini petting zoo and the goat just caught my eye. I just had to take a picture with him...

Just noticed that we got photobombed by another goat!

I didn't manage to walk away with any of the lucky draw prizes....oh well....am used to that! But regardless I had loads of fun at the Family Day! 

Doing just fine

Sorry. I know I have been MIA for the past couple of days. Had a bad headache which lasted for 2 days. I think it is leading up to me falling sick. Feel a cold coming. Damn. Anyways, the headache is gone, so here I am.

Today, I decided to do a kind of a progress check - to see how far I have come since the break-up. I know. I know. Some of you are probably rolling your eyes and thinking here we go again. Will this girl shut up and get over it already!

I think there finally is some real progress. The memories still surface every now and then but I realised that it does not hurt as much to remember them. The hurtful memories are fading away into the background. The good ones remain and it does not make my heart ache as much as it used to. After the Bali trip the memories of what we used to have would make my heart ache so bad and the memories from the Bali trip would leave a bitter taste in my mouth. Now, I have made peace with the past and those same memories do not stir up such strong emotions in me anymore. I guess each person that comes into your life, regardless of whether they stay for a short time only or for a longer period of time, leaves a mark on you. Every experience leaves an impression.

I am glad to know that I am finally healing. I hate it when I am unhappy and I get extremely frustrated with myself when I can't pick myself up fast enough. But time will always work its magic and over time, everything will get better. I may not be mended back 100% but that's fine by me. No one is perfect. Everyone is broken in some way or another.

Tumblr

Ooohh....I finally got myself a Tumblr account. It's not very big here in Malaysia but I wanted to see what the fuss is all about. Anyways, if you have a Tumblr account, add me! I am having fun exploring it so far.

Busy, busy, busy

Phew.....the past week has been a busy one. The pace at work has picked up and my social calendar has been kept pretty filled as well. Had after work drinks with some friends on Tuesday. The French Film & Arts Festival is back in town so from Thursday onwards I have been having a movie marathon trying to catch as many of the movies as possible. A few friends are also back in town, so was spending time catching up with them. All in all I have been kept pretty much on my feet the whole week!

Busy is good for me. I am tired of fighting the way I feel. The feeling of discontent. The empty hollow feeling inside. I figured given time I will be back to normal but meanwhile, I might as well keep myself busy. I have already exhausted all the questions to be asked. The "whys", the "whats", the "what ifs".

Today has been quieter. Had lunch with friends, helped a friend out with some legal stuff and then it was back home. Some quiet time is good. Gives me some time to work on my project and figure other stuff out. I like to spend it catching up on my television series, reading up on the latest news and finding articles in The Elite Daily to motivate me.

Anyways, this is all from me for now. Back to browsing the web. Trying to create a style board!

What's the worst that could happen?

Yesterday I was asked to do something by my brother-in-law. He is a life coach and I asked him if 36 years old was too old to start something new (I know this is kinda contradictory to the theme of my post yesterday). This was his reply :-

"Grab a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle. Write down all the pros on one side and cons on the other. If you think that the pros are worth it, stuff it just do it. For someone who is still living at home with no kids and no commitments, it's a no brainer Deb! What's the worst that can happen? It's not as if mum and dad will kick you out if you failed."

Wise words indeed from a wise one. Which is true. What have I got to lose right? And didn't I just preach yesterday about the value of chasing after your dreams because you only live once?

PROS	CONS
·           My work will be my passion. ·           I work for myself and not for someone else. ·           For now it is something that I can work on while working full time.	·           No security of having a fixed income. ·           Not sure if the concept is something that will work in Malaysia.

It's a very short list of pros and cons. And the fact that I am single with not much financial obligations kinda makes it an easy choice to make. Well, I have actually started working on it but the going is slow at the moment.

Anyways, here is how the rest of the conversation went, picking up from his earlier question of "What's the worst that can happen?" :-

Me : I think it is more of a presonal disappointment thing. 

BIL : WHen you are on your death bed, what will you be saying to yourself?

Me : I wish I had tried?

BIL : Whats going to be the disappointment then?

Me : You make a good point.

BIL : Then what's your excuse now? As Yoda said, There is Will or Will Not. There is no Try.

Me : Sometimes we all need to be pushed.

BIL : Starts with you knowing with crystal clarity who you want to be in 10 years. Describe it in the present tense. Try it.

So here goes. Here is how I would describe myself when I am 46 years old.

I am still a feisty Scorpion who is living the life of her dreams. I am not wealthy in material things, but I am living a life which is rich in so many ways. I have a life which is rich in experiences. I have been fortunate enough to travel the world, more than most people have been given the chance. I have been knocked down so many times but I have always picked myself up and came out the better for it. I have a business that I love. I dared to chase my dream and am now one of those fortunate few whose work and passion are the same. I am living in the city of my dreams. I finally don't feel like a square peg in a round hole anymore. I am finally where I belong. I share my life with a partner that complements me well. He lets me be me and I never had to change who I am to be with him. I am at a point in my life where I have never been more sure of myself. Of what I want. It was not an easy road getting here. I won't lie. There were moments where I felt like giving up. The journey to achieving your dreams is never an easy one. It is hard work but the rewards are well worth the sweat and tears. There were plenty of heartbreak before I met the right guy for me. Finding a partner who is right for you is not an easy task either. It is a fine line between compromising yourself to fit the guy or compromising with the guy to make the relationship work. There were times when I was so disappointed with life that I thought "Is this as good as it gets?" The answer is no. So I am here to tell you. Don't give up. The road to happiness is not easy. But it is well worth it. 

Life was meant for living

Life was meant for living. 
Live life to the fullest.

You only live once. 

Live life with no regrets. 

Live like there is no tomorrow.

All the above are sayings or quotes that are meant to remind you that life is short and I am sure that you have come across one or all of it at some point in your life. 

"Life was meant for living" is actually engraved on my Ipad and "Live  life to the fullest" is engraved on my Ipod. I guess that is why my nature can be impulsive at times. Just like Nike, I always tell people "JUST DO IT" - but of course only in the right situation. If I am ever uncertain about a decision, I would rather take a chance and go for it. If I were to hold back I would then be left wondering "What if?". Life is too short for "what ifs".

What stops a person from doing something? Is it a fear of failure? Is it because you are in a comfort zone and you are afraid to step out of it for better or for worse? Is it because of an adversity to risk? Well, the one thing that I have learned after 36 years of life is that there are no guarantees in life. There is no such thing as a "sure thing". You may succeed in some of your ventures or you may fail. But at least you tried, right? With every attempt, even when you fail, it is an experience. What matters is what you take away with you from the whole experience. There is a lesson to be learnt in every failure. And hey, if at first you don't succeed, try and try again, right?

Life is short. I know I may sound morbid but who knows what will happen tomorrow? So, ask yourself "What is the one thing that you have always wanted to do but never had the courage to do?" Is there a secret passion that you have always wanted to indulge in but was always to0 shy to do so (and I am not talking about anything kinky a la Fifty Shades of Grey)? Is there someone that you have always wanted to approach but never had the guts to? Is there someone that you need to make amends with but have never done so? Ultimately, is there anything that you will regret not doing?

You only have one life - LIVE IT!

Two months down the road.....

It's two months down the road after the break up and I still find myself discovering and learning new things. Today while talking to a friend I realised that I never actually acknowledged or admitted to myself that the way he treated me after the break up hurt me. I knew that the break up hurt. That I was hurt by him walking away from the relationship so easily, but I never acknowledged the fact that the way he treated me after the break up hurt me as well. For some reason it never sunk in that once you have broken up that person still has the power to hurt you. But they still can. It hurts to have someone who once seemed to care so much about you treat you so badly after you are no longer together. I guess acknowledging that is another piece of the puzzle falling into place.

Today instead of letting things get me down I decided to look at the positive side of things. Making lemonade out of lemons right? Instead of thinking about the break up, I should be glad that I am capable of loving someone. I always tell my friends, it is better to have loved and hurt than to have never loved at all. Instead of thinking of why did I let myself get hurt again, I should be proud that I still have faith in love and relationships to always keep trying. Instead of feeling like a fool for falling for him,  I should applaud myself for taking a chance on him. It takes courage to love someone and to open yourself up to them completely.

Who knows, the right guy may be around the corner. Or he may not be. I may meet plenty more of Mr. Wrongs before I meet my Mr. Right. All I know is I am excited about the adventures that awaits me.

Lemons & Lemonades

Turned out to be a quiet Sunday for me. It rained for the better part of the day.  Maybe it's just me. Maybe it's the weather. But it feels like the gloomy weather is bringing my mood down as well.

Capping off a week of feeling pretty low on the mood scale, it has made me wonder - am I truly over him? It made me re-assess things and to re-visit some not so pleasant places in my mind. I guess a part of me has not really let him or the relationship go. I guess what I have gotten better at is to occupy my thoughts with other things. To put one foot in front of the other. To move forward, so to speak. To paste a smile on my face and pretend that I am getting along just fine; hoping that one day the smile will become a real one. But nothing can find the sadness from showing up in my eyes. Those who know me well will be able to see through the facade that I am putting up.

Don't get me wrong. I am not sitting here and just moping. I am trying to move forward and to focus on other things that I want to do. I am trying my best to be positive. I am trying my best to make lemonade out of the lemons that I have been handed. Trying to make the best out of a situation that I can't change. I am super excited about the project that I am working on at the moment. A project that I probably would not have embarked on at this point in time if it weren't for the break up. I started it because I needed something to focus. The project is my lemonade.

I guess some things you just can't fight. I want to wake up tomorrow and have my heart healed. But life doesn't work that way. I push myself too hard sometimes. I don't like being weak or having people see me so completely vulnerable. But today a friend told me, it is ok to still be sad. It is not necessarily a sign of weakness. It is ok if it takes awhile to heal. I told her "How can it be ok to still hurt 2 months after the break up when we were only dating for a month???".  But I guess it is not that simple. It is not about how long you were together. I guess it was more of the significance of the relationship.

Oh well, enough ramblings for today. Tomorrow is the first day of June. Let's try and make it a better month. No. Scratch that. IT WILL BE A BETTER MONTH!

Pitch Perfect 2

It's almost midnight and I am singing at the top of my lungs (badly). Just got back from watching Pitch Perfect 2. Loved the movie! I looooovvvvvve to sing. Actually, love is an understatement. But sadly I can't sing to save my life! Another one of life's ironies, huh? 

Did I ever tell you that I absolutely love music? I can't imagine my life without it! I will listen to almost anything from a broad spectrum of genre. It all really depends on my mood.

Anyways, had a good laugh watching the movie. It was even better than the first one. And the a capella arrangements took me by surprise. There was Uprising by Muse and My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark by Fall Out Boy. I was super psych when I heard those two songs. Ultimately I love rock songs more than anything else.

Oh no! I just heard the distant rumbling of thunder. I'd better stop singing now. My singing kinda has that effect on the weather (either that or it was mostly coincidence!).

Anyways, my eyes have been looking puffy of late so I am gonna slap on some eye masks and hope that they look better by tomorrow! 

Must by Das Sound Machine

Me and my maybes

Ever since feeling overwhelmed when I was in KL, I have had this feeling of restlessness and heavy heartedness. I can't quite pinpoint the reason why, I just know something is weighing on me.

Maybe it is because one of my closest friend is moving to Germany soon. She has been one of my closest confidante and has always been there for me in the past couple of years and I will definitely miss her.

Maybe it is because of my feeling of growing discontent at being in a place where I don't feel like I really fit it. Tired of feeling like a square peg in a round hole and no one seems to understand me when I tell them that I feel that way. They all seem to claim to know me better. That I am feeling this way because of the recent upset in my life. Tired of trying to make them understand why I ended up in Penang and ended up staying here till now.

Maybe it is because I can't help but wonder why I am struggling so much when my ex seems to be perfectly fine (or at least I assume he is).

Maybe it is because I am slightly envious of my friend who is moving away. She is moving to Germany because her boyfriend has been re-located there for work. Don't get me wrong I am truly happy for her. Her boyfriend is great. But a tiny part of me envies what she has. It is something that I want too.

Maybe it is because I miss knowing that someone (and by someone I mean a significant other) is thinking of me. That the mere thought of me puts a smile on his face. I miss knowing that I mean something to someone. Something special. I miss knowing that someone (and once again I stress that by someone I mean a significant other) loves me. Most importantly I miss feeling that way about someone. I miss smiling at the mere thought of that person. I miss having someone special in my life. I miss loving someone.

Maybe it is because I am afraid of what the future holds for me. It is not often that I meet a guy who sweeps me off my feet, that I felt so intensely for in such a short period of time. It has happened far less than 5 times in my entire life and the last time it happened was easily more than 10 years ago and trust me I have dated my fair share (if not more!) of men. My one advise that I have always given my friends is this :-

Think about the guy/girl that you loved the most. Do you love your current bf/gf as much if not more than that ex? 

If the answer is yes, then the relationship is probably worth fighting for. If the answer is no, then maybe you want to re-look into things.

Not saying that the above is the absolute rule. But for me, it is important. So maybe that is why I am afraid. What if I don't meet a guy anytime soon that gives me that kind of exhilarating crazy intense passion? I know some people tell me "find a guy who loves you more than you love him". That may be the right approach for some people. But it is not for me. I need to love a guy as much as he loves me. When I don't the relationship always falters. So, it is not just about meeting a guy who is crazy about me. Question is, will I be just as crazy about him? 

Love at first sight

Do you believe in love at first sight? We all know that there is definitely such a thing as lust at first sight, but love at first sight? Most of us are skeptical about the existence of love at first sight. Rare as it may be I believe that it does exist. Just because it is a rarity does not mean that it can never happen. Just not everyone is lucky to experience it. 

What is definitely more common is falling for someone at first sight. An instant connection. An intense like for that person at first sight. This is usually when you instantly click with that person upon meeting him or her. In fact more than click. You have only just met this person but it feels like you have already known this person for ages!

Just a word of advise though - love at first sight or falling for someone at first sight does not necessarily mean that the relationship will last. Take your time to get to know that person a little bit better. Your first perception may not always be accurate. The fact that you have this insane chemistry with the other person is great as it make getting to know the other person so much more exciting and fun, but a relationship cannot last just based on chemistry.

When I met my ex that was exactly what I felt. I felt like I was falling for him at first sight. I was instantly attracted to his personality. He was funny (we shared the same sense of humour), he got along so easily with people that he had just met (even my friends thought he was great!) and we shared a lot of similar views (on life, love and just in general). I loved the fact that we were both equally as outgoing. And it felt like he could see past my exterior and knew who the real me was.

In hindsight I should have taken a bit more time to get to know him better before rushing into a relationship with him especially a LDR one. But the kind of chemistry we had swept the both of us up (or at least it did sweep me up). I don't remember feeling that excited or that passionately about someone before. Not in the last 10 years at least! I loved the way he made me feel. I wish I could say the same for him. I thought he felt exactly the same way, but the way he acted after the break up left me wondering.

Although it didn't work out, the fact that I felt that way made me believe again that magic does exist. Outwardly I may appear to be practical in nature but when it comes to love, I have always bought into the whole rom-com thing. I believe in a love worth fighting for. I believe in a crazy, carefree, intense kind of love. The kind where you are willing to give up anything for. But I guess after a string of failed relationships I began to lose hope. I started to just settle for companionship. After all, I am an independent woman perfectly capable of looking after herself, so who needs a partner in life, right? I couldn't have been more wrong and it took this relationship, the break up and all the hurt that came with it to make me realise that. In many ways I don't need a man in my life and yet in many ways I do. So I can't wait until magic strikes again but this time I will let it play out a bit longer and hopefully sometime in the near future I would meet my Mr. Right.

Who knows? Serendipity may just be waiting to happen.

Here we go again...

You would think that since I felt so sluggish this morning, I would be fast asleep by now right? WRONG! As usual, it is the middle of the night and I am wide awake. Was out for dinner and drinks with some friends tonight. By the time we finished up and I drove home, the streets were pretty much empty. Now that is when I love being behind the wheel of my car. With the windows rolled down, I turned the stereo on, chose my favourite track by Muse and blasted it. Nothing beats the feeling of the wind in my hair, with the pedal to the metal and some rockin' music egging me on to go faster. The adrenaline makes me feel alive!

Hysteria - Muse

But as awake and alive as I feel, it is bedtime for me...:)

Nites peeps!

My food fest

Today I am trying to get my style blog moving. Been cracking my head to come up with a suitable name for my blog. Have got a few short-listed but still can't decide on one. My brains don't quite seem to be functioning at full capacity today. I feel soo sluggish - I blame it on the food fest over the weekend!

My brain is so jammed up that I can barely even write this blog post. I think I am just gonna leave it at here for today.....